when 2am becomes the next 9pm
I honestly told myself that I was gonna sleep earlier this week. After numerous 'reminders' from my mom, im well aware of the harmful effects of not sleeping early. I've got practically the entire
webMD page on harmful effects of sleeping late memorised, feel free to quiz me anytime (ok don't actually do it im kidding)
My throat feels like someone scraped it really hard with sandpaper and my lungs actually feel kinda sore from all the coughing i've done today. Im not complaining, but this perpetual cough gets kinda annoying when you're trying to study in a quiet room where the only sound is the lack of it (silence has a sound too don't you think) and you're cough disrupts the silence every minute or so.
I feel like at this point my mom would ask me "so you stay up for two nights to have fun but then you'll be sick for a week or even more-- is it worth it just for that two nights of momentarily fun?'' and I already know what my answer would be: yes.
I really am a just do it kind of person like i try my best to live my life with as little regrets as possible and i know for a fact that the worst feeling is the 'i should have damnit' sort of feeling. I once saw this question on one of those 20 question quizzes, do you think you're living or just existing? and it struck a chord within me. I wanted to be one of those people that lived life to the fullest instead of just existing and letting time pass by. Avicii's recent passing has just reminded me of that too and the thing is, i feel that alot of avicci's songs tell you to go ahead and YOLO and go live your life (thats my personal interpretation of his songs, i can't say the same for other people) and sometimes thats the very thing you need. But then again I feel that in order to be living instead of simply existing, you don't need to go climb mountains or go surfing or cliff-diving. I mean perhaps thats some people's interpretation of living life to the fullest, but my personal interpretation of living life to the fullest is somewhat different. Not everyone has to climb a mountain to live life.
I feel like living life to the fullest is taking charge of your life, instead of just floating around and going along with things. Signing up for the things you want to do, and also signing up for the things you don't want to do. Talking to the people you're afraid of. Talking to people you don't know. Generally just going out of your comfort zone. Doing something that scares you everyday. Actually knowing what you want, and knowing why you do the things you do. Having big macro goals for the long run and tiny micro everyday goals to achieve. And lastly, doing the things that I think I can't do. For me, its not even about proving people wrong anymore, thats too passe. I want to prove myself wrong. Tell myself that im not just a useless small fish in the murky pond of life. Thats my definition of living life. After all, fear, discomfort and uncertainty are the compasses towards growth are they not?
I was just reading Daniel Kahneman's thinking fast and slow and I came across this paragraph that felt pretty apt. It was the book’s description of a happy state actually: 'she spent most of her time engaged in activities that she would
rather continue than stop, little time in situations she wished to escape, and—very important because life is short—not too much time in a neutral state in which she would not care either way.' ^Now thats what I aim to be.
I really try my best to talk to the people im afraid to talk to. Afraid isn't the perfect word, intimidated is more like it. And if you're observant enough, you'll realize i stammer a little when im afraid. Its a very very very very very slight thing, but I know I do. Sometimes. I once bought a friend a pencil box that said 'do something that scares you everyday' i found it quite apt because he was scared of alot of things, spice, talking to people, presenting, so on and so forth. And I used to laugh at him for being afraid of so many things, but i realize im the same, just that my fears are of a whole different other variety.
I honestly would not like to end this post so abruptly but its getting quite late and i have a study session with haochen at 8am tmr and i really need to be sharp and awake for it sigh
When it comes to education i really am a sprinter not a marathon runner i have no idea how people study for so many hours in the day, sitting at the same spot just drives me crazy like especially if its a clustered place i'll start to crave for open spaces after awhile which is exactly why i sleep with the windows open like i love seeing this expanse of space
webMD page on harmful effects of sleeping late memorised, feel free to quiz me anytime (ok don't actually do it im kidding)
My throat feels like someone scraped it really hard with sandpaper and my lungs actually feel kinda sore from all the coughing i've done today. Im not complaining, but this perpetual cough gets kinda annoying when you're trying to study in a quiet room where the only sound is the lack of it (silence has a sound too don't you think) and you're cough disrupts the silence every minute or so.
I feel like at this point my mom would ask me "so you stay up for two nights to have fun but then you'll be sick for a week or even more-- is it worth it just for that two nights of momentarily fun?'' and I already know what my answer would be: yes.
I really am a just do it kind of person like i try my best to live my life with as little regrets as possible and i know for a fact that the worst feeling is the 'i should have damnit' sort of feeling. I once saw this question on one of those 20 question quizzes, do you think you're living or just existing? and it struck a chord within me. I wanted to be one of those people that lived life to the fullest instead of just existing and letting time pass by. Avicii's recent passing has just reminded me of that too and the thing is, i feel that alot of avicci's songs tell you to go ahead and YOLO and go live your life (thats my personal interpretation of his songs, i can't say the same for other people) and sometimes thats the very thing you need. But then again I feel that in order to be living instead of simply existing, you don't need to go climb mountains or go surfing or cliff-diving. I mean perhaps thats some people's interpretation of living life to the fullest, but my personal interpretation of living life to the fullest is somewhat different. Not everyone has to climb a mountain to live life.
I feel like living life to the fullest is taking charge of your life, instead of just floating around and going along with things. Signing up for the things you want to do, and also signing up for the things you don't want to do. Talking to the people you're afraid of. Talking to people you don't know. Generally just going out of your comfort zone. Doing something that scares you everyday. Actually knowing what you want, and knowing why you do the things you do. Having big macro goals for the long run and tiny micro everyday goals to achieve. And lastly, doing the things that I think I can't do. For me, its not even about proving people wrong anymore, thats too passe. I want to prove myself wrong. Tell myself that im not just a useless small fish in the murky pond of life. Thats my definition of living life. After all, fear, discomfort and uncertainty are the compasses towards growth are they not?
I was just reading Daniel Kahneman's thinking fast and slow and I came across this paragraph that felt pretty apt. It was the book’s description of a happy state actually: 'she spent most of her time engaged in activities that she would
rather continue than stop, little time in situations she wished to escape, and—very important because life is short—not too much time in a neutral state in which she would not care either way.' ^Now thats what I aim to be.
I really try my best to talk to the people im afraid to talk to. Afraid isn't the perfect word, intimidated is more like it. And if you're observant enough, you'll realize i stammer a little when im afraid. Its a very very very very very slight thing, but I know I do. Sometimes. I once bought a friend a pencil box that said 'do something that scares you everyday' i found it quite apt because he was scared of alot of things, spice, talking to people, presenting, so on and so forth. And I used to laugh at him for being afraid of so many things, but i realize im the same, just that my fears are of a whole different other variety.
I honestly would not like to end this post so abruptly but its getting quite late and i have a study session with haochen at 8am tmr and i really need to be sharp and awake for it sigh
When it comes to education i really am a sprinter not a marathon runner i have no idea how people study for so many hours in the day, sitting at the same spot just drives me crazy like especially if its a clustered place i'll start to crave for open spaces after awhile which is exactly why i sleep with the windows open like i love seeing this expanse of space
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