im back!

Once again, its the part of the semester whereby everything piles up and deadlines draw near and the number of tutorial left undone continue to rise. And as if that weren't bad enough, there are performances! and rehearsals! And assessments! 

As we grow older, our birthday wishes tend to change, or at least mine has morphed from wanting to be a supermodel to having better skin and while my skin isn't the best yet, there's something i want more than good skin. I want to be capable of withstanding stress. 

I very much wish i were one of those people that could make whatever I do look effortless, be it presentations or class participation, or dancing or solving accountancy questions or just meeting new people in general. I just listed those things offhandedly so I suppose those are the things bothering me now.......... There's this small lucky group of people on earth who make the things they do look so effortless and I strive to be like them. Really. To not let stress and deadlines get to me, and to not have it show when I interact with people. 

I think everyone has things they worry about and sometimes I feel like the things im worried about are so silly like instead of worrying about them I should think about how to solve these problems instead and I DO think of how but then again it seems as if its my natural state to just keep WORRYING about these problems. 

I think once in awhile we all lose our footing, and tend to get abit confused and lost in life. Like we aren't sure of our direction, and kinda lose focus. In the past when i read books or articles on 'losing focus' I've always found them to be vague and unrelatable, but i've since realized that its a very real phenomenom, the problem of 'losing focus'. Especially so in university, because there are so many things you could do and so many things to try, all you need to do is to sign up. For someone with a personality like mine: idk i just like doing a variety of things and trying new things, i feel like its really quite easy for me to get a bit lost and over-committed. In other words- spreading myself too thin. And because im not willing to compromise on my sleep, things like my acads suffer. I really hate doing things in a half-way manner but thats been pretty much of my academic life this semester, i do enough to know whats going on in class, and to participate actively in class, but im lagging. Its like I hate the feeling of not understanding something fully............and not feeling the knowledge click into place.

Im not sure if that makes me a nerd (im pretty sure by this point some of my friends are already gonna say that) or what but I feel like there's nothing wrong with being a nerd, you just can't be an overbearing nerd. You just have to keep your own nerdy traits to yourself without annoying other people and all is well!

Next semester is going to be better, and im going to plan it more carefully, with more focus. In the meantime, here's to actually finishing my marketing textbook before the exam. And consolidating it. Sometimes i feel like for someone like me who's intellectual properties aren't the best, the consolidation is the most important part-- the point whereby i mix those random notes i take in class as i try very hard not to fall asleep + the stuff i highlight on my textbook + random people's class participation that i actually managed to take down

P.s. I started writing this because I could feel a panic attack coming like the feeling of being so swamped and overwhelmed by the sheer number of things on my to-do list and the knowledge of how there's no way im going to finish it by tomorrow. I actually feel slightly better now. Blogging is therapeutic- i realized this years ago

P.p.s I'll give myself five minutes to think of happy thoughts such as shopping at bershka (its not like i like bershka particuarly, its just that i love this season's clothes. That bimbotic bubblegum pink calls to my soul and im honestly waiting for the day (hopefully next week) when all these submissons and pracs are over and i can finally go to bershka and hopefully GET SOMETHING nice to wear yay) I know that bubble gum pink isn't my best colour like I guess its fine but its not exceptionally nice on me cause with my skintone im more of a mauve-y kind of person but the heart wants what it wants)